Over the past 3 years,I have gained and lost more than 30kg.I know it may sound ridiculous to you but yeahh it's true. That is a lot of weight that I can't begin to imagine I have come this far.
At my heaviest weight was 98kg and now I'm a few kg to 60kg. My ideal weight according to nutritionist is 55kg and even though I dare not to say this to them ( in case I can't make it/in case people will laugh at me), really, in my heart I am hoping for 50kg.I am not that tall. I know of girls around my height who are 45kg-50kg,they look cute and amazing.If I am going to set a target for myself might as well put it at the level of 'amazing', right? My next goal is to be as slim as possible, not just to be fit or healthy weight anymore because I am already so near to the previous goal I have set. Now, it's about moving on the next mile stone and to be honest, it's about ideals,not just basics.I know I already have quite a number of blog posts documenting my weight loss journey but in this post,I want to bring you a little deeper and share with you my innermost thoughts and some secrets I have kept for so long.
Being obese made me extremely upset.I felt horrible about myself all the time and I always came up with sad excuses to hang out with my friends for what I lacked ( confidence,a realistic perception of my own body and the determination to do something about it). Relatives who hadn't seen me in a long time always had to mask their surprise/shock/horror when they saw how much weight I'd gained.Even my own dad offered me $$$ if I could lose at least 3kg back then.Most days, I felt dejected,victimized and most of all unaccepted.In my head, a little voice always goes why can't these people love me for who I am? Why can't they just accept that I like food and I'm okay with being huge?
I got superb mad at anyone who called me fat. ( I know I am still fat now. hahaha). I knew it was the truth but I hated how everyone used 'fat','huge' as a weapon against me. At the end of the day,nobody likes their flaws being pointed out and thrown around for fun of public humiliation even if it is the truth. No ugly person wants to be labelled as unattractive and the more you call someone out for being less than perfect,the more likely they will recline further into their shell and block themselves out from the world.
Obesity hit me real good.It kicked me so hard in the face that I was knocked out and in denial for the longest time.I thought I was 'curvy' and 'real-sized' but I didn't realize I was actually disgustingly unhealthy and the worst part of being super huge is looking in the mirror and seeing your reflection screams back at you. THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOUR UNWILLINGNESS TO CHANGE THE SITUATION !
As someone who has reduced more than 30kg the past years, I can say that weight is not that hard to lose. 1 or 2 kg? No problem. I can lose that in less than a week. The real difficult part is, staying motivated and determined and keeping up the weight loss progress and losing anything more than 5kg,yeah,that's tough. Fat people are fat for a reason.They love food,they are super duper lazy,they eat all sorts of bad food.
I still love food to this day,as much as I did when I was 98kg. But through all the emotional trauma,life changes and self-denial,somewhere along the line,I decided that 'enough was enough' and I have just about had it with being a super huge giant girl.No more feeling like I'm worth less just because I have got flabs hanging out everywhere. No more crying myself to sleep because of something someone had said or because I hated myself for what I was doing to me. No more dying while climbing a flight of stairs.
I HATED BEING HUGE AND GOD, I NEVER EVER EVER WANT TO BE 'GIANT' AGAIN!
I came up with some simple reasons why I never want to be 'giant' again/ why I hated being huge and searched through my old pictures to bring you the very best of my worst pictures for added entertainment value.I am surprised by my own brazen ( or shameless) behavior,publishing photos that equal to social suicide but who cares? That person isn't me anymore and if photos of myself in the past can teach a lesson or provide some laughs to you,why not? hahaha.
This post revolves entirely around my personal opinions on obesity because I hope it will teach out to whoever needs this little push along their way. Everyone knows the basic reasons why you should be healthy.My reasons in this post vary from personal,to superficial and plain legit.We all have the right to feel what we want about ourselves,but having come so far on my own weight loss journey,I thought it would be a real shame if I didn't share these sentiments with you who might find them helpful.Even though I have not reached my ideal weight yet and I am still fat/chubby in my opinion.I will get there soon enough.
Here is my own motivation for doing so.
You see the photo above? I was wearing a white blouse for my high school graduation because I couldn't find any dress that could fit me. Sad? I think so. When you get fat,your boobs get enormous. You know what,enormous boobs are heavy.Don't know how large my boobs were at my fattest,maybe a very large D or borderline E, but boy imagine carrying around pomelos or watermelons on your chest. That's what it felt like.They were so big,they literally hurt.Jogging or running was a nightmare because those things wouldn't stop bouncing everywhere.Every bra felt like it didn't give enough support,no one sports bras that could fit my 'watermelons'.
I just want to take pictures beside my gorgeous,slimmer girlfriends and not feel terribly inferior and horrible about myself.
Pictures below.
NO PHOTOSHOP!
Picture above was taken when I was in form five ( 2012) .
This fitting-room selfie is taken just now . Not having to photoshop so much saves me plenty of time when I'm posting pictures online and I am also no longer afraid of my own reflection.
P/s: Sorry for the low camera quality.
I just wanna feel happy and comfortable in my own skin. The beast above these two pictures is NOT pretty or even sexy. hahaha.
It's not a nice feeling when you walk,your thighs rub together or when your armpits get smelly because the fats are blocking ventilation.Staring at my own naked body was gut-wrenching.
Even if you're born with good features or a pretty face,getting fat can fu*k that all up. I think I was born with pretty 'okay' looks. At least, I do not think I am really that ugly but that's not to say I think I am a 10. I would give myself a 5/10. I guess that is a healthy dosage of self-confidence right? hahaha. But man,when I started piling on the kilograms,a lot of the original 'me' got lost along the way. I used to think that even though I was getting fatter, at least my face still looks good. Holy! How wrong was I.
Below is the recent selfie of me,which you can compare to the above.
So,if you're overweight/obese,losing weight will make your face look younger/bettter. (Though my face is still fat.)
I wanted people who loved me to not be embarrassed of my physique and I wanted them to be proud of who I was.Last but definitely not least,I don't want to let myself give people reasons to insult me ot make me feel like I'm worth any less a person,just because I'm fat or huge.Enough of the 'giant' jokes, fat insults and fat comments.
Thank god I have come this far,because in every family reunions,my loud relatives no longer exclaim with widened eyes, WAHH YEEEE,SOOOOO FATTTT AHH!!? WHERE GOT PEOPLE WANT YOU??
There is truly nothing more embarrasing than taunting relatives during every reunions.Every flaw you ever had,they won't hesitate to put it out in the open discussion material.Getting fatter and fatter? Seriously,in front of all your cousins and other relatives,where to hide your face?
The harsh truth and reality of the world,if you're huge, you will be judged and you will be teased. But trust me, you can put an end to all of it.
So there, the reasons here are clear enough to why I don't want to ever be that huge again.If you can't relate to any of my points, congrats, you have never been fat enough. If yes, I beg you, do yourself a favor and shedding those pounds.I have been where you are now and it's possible to emerge from that pile of confidence-sucking crap.
Life changing in every aspect and without a doubt the best thing/most difficult thing I have done for myself in recent times.
Loves,
ChingYee.
