I Was Obese & Antisocial

Hey guys, I'm finally back to this place again.I have been overweight since 5 years old and it got worse as days passed by. Back then, food was one of my means to enjoy life if nothing else was going for me. My social interaction definitely lacked big time growing up since I spent most of my time on the computer every day.It was pure isolation and I remember my parents being extremely worried about my health.

From unattractive to attractive.Now I'm not saying this because I think I am. I'm saying this simply because I have heard it enough times.Yes, I had to hear it "enough times" to really believe it. Nevertheless,it feels pretty damn great to hear that I'm no longer repulsive looking.

You must be wondering how does this all feel to me.Very honest, it's very euphoric. I have a hard time believing that because let say, if you threw someone in a society that was a lot different from what they are used to believing in,they are going to have a hard time adjusting to the norms.My life acted in a way that was like an "off-on switch". I had no clue how to respond to it.I started getting attention and opportunities that I did not know how to act upon.

I went through a lot of physical changes but I think the strangest thing to adjust to was not my body but how differently people began to treat me. After a decade of being poked fun at , it was almost surreal.The bullying faded away.Suddenly,people stopped laughing at me. Pretty girls I had never imagined approaching me before wanted to be my friend and boys started to talk to me. I cultivated a social sphere for the first time in my life. To me, in this society, look does matter.Whoever says it doesn't , it's a simply plain lie. I have been through that and that's the cold harsh truth you got to accept.

I really did not have much experience with socialising in the beginning. I can be very socially awkward at times since I failed to pick up social cues correctly. Let's not forget, I used to look unapproachable no matter how many smiles I gave.It is,however,a lot better today.

Through this transformation I came to realise that people treat others drastically different depending on how they look.Sometimes just thinking about the stark contrasts of treatment makes me sad.I always hoped there was some deeper meaning to attraction and maybe even how friends would approach one another, but I found that to be untrue.Not to say that attraction is purely based on personality doesn't exist or that genuine love and friendship do not exist, I have just realised to how much you have to look attractive just to be given a chance at some things.

When I was in high school,I was never asked out. I was never approached by anyone , except for some close friends/classmates. I realised that men do not even care to talk to you as friend if you are not moderately attractive ( at least high school aged "men"). Maybe that's a bit of blanket statement but it was definitely my experience. I was far from attractive or completely charming, but I would say that I was worth having as a friend.

Also this may sound funny, since I have been single, I have had several friends try to come in contact me. With this being said,it hasn't changed me and I do not take these people seriously because I understand that these people DON'T really care about me. I know they won't be there to look the 50 or 60 year old me in the eye and tell me how beautiful my spirit,attitude and courage is to them.I don't think about "using" looks as much as I think about treating people kindly despite how they may look. I do,however,believe this is an advantage because since I have experienced genuine kindness, I have realised I know how to spot it out in my own relationships as well as share it with others.

I noticed quite a few changes in my lifestyle and how people treated me. This may just sound specific to me but these were the big changes in my life . Making friends have become a lot easier. I started getting invited to a lot of events and activities. I felt like socialising and going to events was the "cool" thing to do and the thing I should do and take advantage of.Other girls ask me about and pay a lot of attention to my lifestyle.This is weird.

I still can't actually remember how huge I used to look like until I made a comparison of myself back then and now. I still keep thinking of myself looking like I did in high school. Even in a lot of my dreams, I still appear like that girl (left, in the picture below)

Left : When I was in high school .
Right : Now. I know I still have unwanted fats around my body.I know I still have far to go.

Now where's all the positivity! Being that I had a lot of alone time to myself,I read up on a lot of interesting stuff on just about anything, got new hobbies, improved on myself and developed a few skills. I'll list them out real soon. Real soon.

To be continued.............

Stay tuned !

Lots of love,

ChingYee.